Actually I am surprised by the ease with which I came to day 5 which as it turns out ended in Friday night. I was amazed first off that I did not go directly from the shop where I work (specialty food…more about that later) to the “packie” (CT lingo for package store) and pick myself a nice bottle of wine. I mean this was Friday night. Secondly, I didn’t have the slightest interest. Not only lack of interest but a touch of repulsion at the thought. I firmly believe what is different this time is that all week I had been reading a sober blog by an amazing woman. It was her first 30 day journey without alcohol and she blogged every day. Her posts were so matter of fact and down to earth and insightful. Raw honesty.
I could relate so well that it kept my “forgetter” from working. You know how easy it is to forget the crap, especially with regard to alcohol?
Well day 6, Saturday is here and it’s around 2pm. Suddenly some anxiety and emotions I can’t quite get a handle on are emerging. Feel like crying. Scared? Apprehensive? Buyers remorse with regard to the 100 Day Sober Challenge I signed on for? Hope not. I knew earlier in the week it wouldn’t all be as easy as it seemed now. I had set up this blog last night so I’d be good to go today. When those feelings hit me, I was running errands and just tried to distance myself from them until I could get home and write my first post. Although I’m still feeling all those emotions, posting has definitely calmed me. Now I think I’ll go sit with them and listen to them and see what they are trying to tell to me.
And I promise to be kind to myself.
So….. this IS the beginning.