day 12…permission & sleep: hi priority

4:50 am. 88 posts to go? Are ya’ kiddin’ me?  No. you’re doing it. Hell or high-water as mom used to say.  Every day. No excuses.   OK.

Sleep is really important.

Twenty-four hours of sleep deprivation can lead to conditions in healthy persons similar to the symptoms of schizophrenia.” University Bonn- Science Daily 7/7/14

Been hospitalized 3 times.  Locked ward kind of hospital.  Once at 26 after taking a few inhales of a joint laced with angel dust (didn’t know about the angel dust) which messed with my internal clock.  And then again both Decembers 2009 & 2010- the aftermath of a manic episode triggered by the anti anxiety drug Lexapro (prescribed) that began in 2007. Funny. In ’07 I was able to get my sleep pattern back (with the help of my most excellent Dr.) and got to skip the fun on the ward that year.

Each hospitalization was preceded by an extended lack of sleep. In ’07 I was diagnosed with an underlying bipolar disorder. Told it was made more severe by the prescribed crap and that “it”would require a cocktail of psychotropic drugs to manage. For the rest of my life.  Thanks.

But no thanks

Alcoholics can display a wide range of psychiatric disorders. A lot of the time if you take away the alcohol the disorder goes away as well.

I began this post to give myself permission to just show up -“Hi, I’m here, but I’m not posting tonight”- not to post anymore than that when I’m really tired. Bone tired. Being on the computer at night affects my sleep. The mornings are my time for prayer, exercise and daily mass. Then I go to work.

I’m sure I’ll find a rhythm. God? help. please. soon.

So for now, during the work week, I give myself permission.

Just show up.

Author: Elizabeth

Happy, joyous & free. Thanks be to God.

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