I am really loving this change. Sober nights and unclouded days. I feel that the war within is over. At least for now. I’m adding that negative only because I know through my own previous period of sobriety as well as bearing witness to my father and brother’s battle for a sober life, that in these times of rest one still needs to remain vigilant. And continue to build upon the sober time gifted.
Been thinking a lot today about my brother who lost his battle at just 50 years of age. Surrounded by many, many empty 1/2 gallon vodka bottles.
But he tried. He really did. Tried real hard. Reading the journals he kept through his brief sober moments was testament to this. How could someone want it so bad- want to change-and then die trying? I know it happens all too often.
I was in wonder at the many various ways alcohol addiction can manifest itself….and why some receive the grace to win and others lose. Lose miserably. Horribly.
I thought about how in A.A. they say that the disease is always progressing even when you stop. And if you drink in 5, 10 or 20 years you don’t pick up where you left off- it would be as if you had never stopped.
That did not hold true for me.
And I believe that I kept on drinking for the last 21 years partially because my experience proved differently from what I had been told.
Thirty days ago I didn’t have a bottom. I just had enough. Surrendered. In doing so the desire to drink has been lifted although the work of living unmedicated remains.
The glory belongs not to me but to Him.
I have been blessed and I pray that I never ever forget.