day 38…thoughts on round 3

My first experience with sobriety occurred 30 years ago.  It was much different in the sense   there was a most definite bottom.  I was forced to face myself- no choice.  The shame was immense.  I didn’t want to stop but I had too.  Court ordered.

I remember going through the “pink cloud” experience but shortly there after I felt so good and things were going so well it was hard to accept.  The roots of this odd response were in the ghosts of my childhood.  I was “waiting for the other shoe to drop”.

Eventually I settled into my new-found way of being in the world and was happier than I’d ever been.  I remember taking out-of-town guests to a museum and mid way through, I realized I was having a wonderful time without any alcohol.  I was in the moment, not preoccupied with getting out of there to get a drink.  That was a first.  I lasted 9 years.

Round 2 of sobriety came 6 years ago during a divorce.  No cloud that time.  I still didn’t want to stop but felt I had to.  Had to keep my sanity through the pain of it all.   Mostly white knuckles with a few moments of highs that were masking underlying anxiety and fear.  I lasted 1 year.  It’s amazing I lasted that long.

Round 3 and 38 days in and I haven’t experienced that cloud high; I’m solid and at peace (although I do have my moments).  What I am getting is what it’s like to live once again without that burden on my back.

I need to delve deeper into what is different this time but it’s late and I’m tired.  I’ll revisit these thoughts this weekend.

Advertisements

Author: Elizabeth

Living a life of unceasing prayer in gratitude to Him who saved me.

2 thoughts on “day 38…thoughts on round 3”

  1. Every attempt has taught me more about myself and equipped me with strength. I hope and pray that whatever you find is different that you will also find the peace you need for sobriety to stick around. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s