I have realized what’s different. I am no longer double minded. In spiritual terms, this is like someone having two souls each wanting different things at once.
In the past, I stopped drinking because I knew I needed to. Not because I wanted to. The internal dialogue wasn’t a struggle of yes and no. Just a flat out “No, I don’t want to”. No ambivalence there.
But for the last 7 or 8 years I’ve wanted desperately to be freed from the bondage of alcohol and at the same time I still wanted to be able to drink. There was a war going on inside of me where I wanted both things at the same time.
All this coincided with my efforts to grow in faith and actively pursue my relationship with the Lord. I wanted to live my life as an example of the faith that I professed. Just one problem- the wine. Rather, the wine and my consumption of it. Lots of it.
There can only be one Master.
“A double-minded believer is someone who is constantly living in a state of compromise. Half of you lives for God, while the other half lives for your bad habit. Hence, you are ‘double-minded’.”
7 Characteristics of a Double Minded Believer
“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways…” James 1:8
“How long will you go limping between two opinions? If the Lord is God, then follow Him; but if Baal, then follow him.” 1 Kings 18:21
So I searched and I worshipped and I prayed. Died a thousand little ‘deaths’. Letting go of what I wanted for my life.
I knew that one of God’s promises is to ‘give you the desires of your hearts.’ Ps 37:4 But I didn’t know the first part of this verse- ‘Take delight in the Lord and He will give…”.
I first needed to align my heart’s desires with God’s.
To be continued….