41 days…double minded mess

I have realized what’s different.  I am no longer double minded.  In spiritual terms, this is like someone having two souls each wanting different things at once.

In the past, I stopped drinking because I knew I needed to.  Not because I wanted to.  The internal dialogue wasn’t a struggle of yes and no.  Just a flat out “No, I don’t want to”.  No ambivalence there.

But for the last 7 or 8 years I’ve wanted desperately to be freed from the bondage of alcohol and at the same time I still wanted to be able to drink.  There was a war going on inside of me where I wanted both things at the same time.

All this coincided with my efforts to grow in faith and actively pursue my relationship with the Lord.  I wanted to live my life as an example of the faith that I professed.   Just one problem- the wine.  Rather, the wine and my consumption of it.  Lots of it.

 There can only be one Master.

“A double-minded believer is someone who is constantly living in a state of compromise. Half of you lives for God, while the other half lives for your bad habit. Hence, you are ‘double-minded’.”
7 Characteristics of a Double Minded Believer

“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways”      James 1:8

“How long will you go limping between two opinions?  If the Lord is God, then follow Him;  but if Baal, then follow him.”     1 Kings 18:21 

So I searched and I worshipped and I prayed.  Died a thousand little ‘deaths’.  Letting go of what I wanted for my life.

I knew that one of God’s promises is to ‘give you the desires of your hearts.’   Ps 37:4   But I didn’t know the first part of this verse- ‘Take delight in the Lord and He will give…”.

I first needed to align my heart’s desires with God’s.

To be continued….

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Author: Elizabeth

Living a life of unceasing prayer in gratitude to Him who saved me.

2 thoughts on “41 days…double minded mess”

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