So… I first needed to align my heart’s desires with God’s desires for me. His plans are always good. Always perfect. Far better than my own.
I kept coming to the same realization over and over; I would never fully develop into the person He created me to be if I didn’t change. I had wasted so much time with my after drinking inertia and depression. Time is a gift and I felt 3/4 of my life (hopefully not more) was over. What had I accomplished to make this world a better place? Nothing was the answer. I had been concerned only with myself and my wants and perceived needs. Doing just enough to get by. I was doing the same nothing in my spiritual life.
This is when I began to say ‘yes’ to anything and everything that came my way in the form of serving others through Him. Letting myself be used up.
The torment in my heart eventually got to where I cried “Enough!! Lord, take from me all that keeps me from you”. I had also recently spoke with a long time friend (drinking buddy in the old days) who I had been out of touch with and she mentioned that she had quit drinking last January. Hmmm…
At this same time I was revisiting bookmarks on sobriety and began reading different blogs. I signed up for Belle’s Sober Challenge and read through her first couple of months. I could so relate. And it kept me from forgetting.
Those things created a ‘perfect storm’ in me that ended in a miracle. The urge to drink has been lifted as has the double-mindedness.
“You shall be wholehearted with the Lord, your God.” Deut. 18:13
I will continue to pray each day for the renewal of this amazing Grace He has bestowed on me.