I left work at 4pm. Storms inside and out.
It’s Friday night. It’s dreary and raining. My boss was an absolute bear all week. And the liquor store next-door to us just happened to be hosting a wine tasting.
I walked on by. No, not tonight.
All week I prayed for much-needed understanding and compassion toward my boss. The gains were fleeting and I continued to fall. I kept grumbling and cursing him out in my head for being so nasty to me, wanting nothing more than to grab him by his ears and scream “Do you know how much I do for you? Do you really know how freakin’ hard I work???”
That old, good for nothing self-righteous crap.
Now of course we all like appreciation for hard work but it ain’t a perfect world and I know the reason he’s like he is. He has the same problem I have. But he doesn’t know it. Actually I think he does know but he doesn’t want to. Been there myself.
It’s a small mom and pop business and I’ve been with them since the beginning. I’m considered “family” and with that status comes all the gritty, day-to-day bicker and wrangling. The good, the bad and the ugly. Can’t just take the good, you’ve got to take it all. Peace of mind requires acceptance of this.
And I know why he treats me so poorly. A lot of the time anyway. The very fact that I have this knowledge leaves me no excuse for my judgements against him. This is at the very heart of my work in sobriety.
Learning to show others the same love and compassion the Lord has shown me. Even in my wretchedness. Especially then.
I know this is cliché but it’s all about loving others. That’s what He’s teaching me. I am so much stronger for not drinking. I can see the crap for what it is and it’s not personal. I have a thicker skin because it’s been a couple of months since the alcohol has scraped me raw. Thanks be to God.
Jesus. Staggering under the weight of His cross. I only need to envision this when I think I’m suffering. Because when I do, I realize I know very little about it.
If anything at all.