I’m sure this post will not be found favorable among many, if not most, and I totally understand. I get it. But this is about being honest even when it’s not popular.
I had two glasses of wine with our Thanksgiving dinner.
I didn’t plan it but I did give it thought before we sat down and made the choice. I had those glasses and it was enough. I didn’t crave more and it didn’t make me want to buy a bottle the following day or give me any craving since. I’ve not been here before. Ever.
My relationship with alcohol has changed. So has my relationship with myself.
However, I won’t be marching off to happy hour. These times will be few and rare occasions; times of celebration, not medication.
I will remain vigilant to this and should I sense things changing, I will need to respond immediately and appropriately; complete abstinence once again. “Sensing change” means having cravings and thoughts regarding drinking- thoughts about drinking to relieve fear, stress, boredom, loneliness, anxiety or to just plain cope with what life deals out. Or having more than I intended.
I’ve found too much to go back.
I’ve been reflecting on why it was that my drinking was much worse before I first became sober… when I started drinking again, after nine years sobriety, there was not the progression I had so often heard of in A.A . Even though my tolerance did remain high, I didn’t drink anywhere near to the extent that I had in the past.
And how is it possible that I have been healed of the obsession after a few months?
The one thing I know is that between my family history and childhood dysfunction, my tendency toward addiction will always be in waiting should I put my relationship with Him anywhere but first place.
For those who are engaged in their own battle and watching from the sidelines: I in no way suggest that you let me lead here. Please do not use this for yourselves as justification. I have a greater respect for alcohol than I have ever had and I know from my past the terrible struggle and darkness it can bring. And I am not so arrogant as to think that I can’t end up back in the abyss.
I will continue to post.
Any success I have will be because of Him. Any failure is on me.