This post is dedicated to my sister mooseylou.
Sorry, I’m too tired right now to go on about it… but I will. This weekend.
When I have 3 days off.
From this grueling non-stop work. Where I have not a minute to stop and wonder at the real meaning for me of what everyone is going crazy over. What holiday? Christmas? It seems to me as nothing more than an excuse- as if anyone needs one- to go mad with self indulgence. And be damned to anyone in the way. Filling their needs and rude bellies. Holes they’re trying to fill with food and liquor.
I know the hole can only be filled by Him.
Sorry. I said I was tired.
January 1, 1986.
That was my first long run with sobriety. 9 years. And so I thought it fitting (or very convenient) to let it be my second long run. January 1, 1917.
May God Help me.
No one is guaranteed another chance.
Like all drunks, I really, really need Him.
My short run was 8/15/16 until the honesty vs popularity post. But I know myself and haven’t wanted my yes to turn to no. I’ve been there before when I’ve said never, ever again only to be there…..again.
When my yes to sobriety had turned to no. And the pain and self loathing and demoralization that came with it.
Worse than what came with getting myself to say yes.
It’s real important to let your yes be yes.
And I’ve experienced the pain and destruction that come from wrestling with Him- than before Him.
You can just leave me be from Jacob’s bad hip. I already have one of those.
He and I have struggled before.
I’ve always lost.
And thanks be to Him.
When I am weak……