Can’t sleep…’dry drunk’ you might say

Can’t stop thinking about my sister and her loss.  Our loss.

Everyone that new the Captain.

Trying to sleep and all that keeps going ’round in my head is loss and how much I am hating my job- mainly because of my idiot, ungrateful, lazy, sob boss.

Can’t seem to let go of all the crap in the last 3 weeks.  I keep having conversations in my head about when I walk in tomorrow I am going to ream him out-

Like:

@#$%&^*%$#@)(*$^%^&*

Use your imagination. That was mild.

Or, a new one I heard today:

“Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!”

Can’t seem to pull up the compassion for him right now.  All I feel is grief and how freakin’ short life is and how hard I work (a lot harder than than him) and how I am missing my family and everything good ’cause I’m working’ like it’s my business.  Guess what?  If it were mine, I wouldn’t be working this hard- I’d have it a tad more together.  More than a tad-  Sad thing is I know more about his business than he does.  You know, work smarter, not harder?   (boo-hoo-boo-hoo)

But you couldn’t pay me enough to stay or own it.

Enough.

Attention all pity partiers!! Now happening!! Right here!!

Another sad thing is,

I know it and I can’t seem to stop it.

And I feel like-

The edge is too close for comfort.

I do know grief is like that.

Breathe.  Let go.

I’d like to.

Please pray for me if you are so inclined.

For self control.

Trying hard to be grateful.

And not walk out tomorrow.  I do need a job.

This one for now.

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Author: Elizabeth

Living a life of unceasing prayer in gratitude to Him who saved me.

13 thoughts on “Can’t sleep…’dry drunk’ you might say”

  1. As far as your brother in law goes – I think there is nothing to do about that but embrace your grief. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel. Grieving is part of life. God is in control of that situation. Now, as far as your job goes. I can totally relate to you. I hope I don’t hurt your feelings here, but since I perceive your situation to be similar to ones I have had in the past I think you should ask yourself these questions: 1. What exactly is my job supposed to be? What am I being PAID to do? 2. Examine yourself and determine exactly WHY you feel the need to rise above #1. 3. Are the reasons outlined in #2 within the acceptable boundaries of pursuing a career or do they cross over to our addictive nature to please, perfect, and control? Only you know the answers to these questions. Also, you have a choice to stay or leave but you cannot change who you boss is as a person. I realize working is a necessity so obviously you probably want to find a job before leaving a job. If this job is causing chaos in your life then I think God would get behind you on this. He is not a God of chaos. Anyway – just something for you to chew on. I love you. I am very sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Actually I went to set up at work this am before a dental appt. They checked my bp which is usually 120/80- it was scary- 195/111. I’ve been monitoring it-I didn’t go back to work and called out of work till Monday. It’s coming down thank God. Thank you for your hugs and loving, peaceful vibes- I feel them. <3<3

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you all for your hearts. Will answer each of you but right now I am not capable of stringing my chaotic mind into cohesive thoughts and sentences. You all have touched me deeply and I am so grateful for you. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Like

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