God’s response to me…

I prayed this morning.

I usually give Him the first hour of my day, every day.  But I’ve been very erratic since mid-December when the holiday insanity ramped up.

I am a person that needs structure and routine. When something happens (like life) and it’s disrupted, the first things to go are the healthy habits that keep me anchored.

It’s amazing I’m not in an asylum after the past few weeks…

then losing Dave, my brother-in-law who was so much more than that to me.

And then there’s my anger at my boss.

I’d made a great deal of progress in ‘getting over myself’ and showing him love and compassion in the 3 month sober challenge that began last August.

‘Got over myself’ in the sense that I knew God wanted me to give him the same grace that He Himself has shown me.

The Lord continues to love me in spite of my wicked self-centered self.

What I heard in prayer this morning when begging Him for help with feeling so angry, demoralized and unappreciated at work was this:

“Forgive him, for he knows not what he does.”

I wept…

then replied back to Him:

“Please forgive me Lord for I also know not what I do.”

He knows.  He loves me anyway.

I have to pass it on.

So amazingly grateful to be sober and loved by Him.

❤ ❤ ❤

Image credit: The Ocean of God’s Love, Kevin Shorter

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Author: Elizabeth

Living a life of unceasing prayer in gratitude to Him who saved me.

8 thoughts on “God’s response to me…”

  1. Beautiful post, Elizabeth. I’m lucky in that most of my forgiveness challenges are now people I no longer deal with personally, but two were work-related and the struggle was so hard to not be constantly angry with them. I love that you are so honest about it in your prayers. ; )
    I am hoping for a quick resolution. ; )
    Shawna

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    1. Thank you Shawna. When I’m tired, I find it much harder to let go- not take things personal. My emotions for this man are all over the place- He and his wife have been very generous to me over the years but he’s alway had this Jekyll/Hyde thing going on that I know comes with alcohol dependence. Both he and his wife left their faith behind many, many years ago. He was an alter boy. I know he has nothing to ‘hold on’ to except alcohol. And I know running a business can so stressful. No matter how poorly he treats me- and that’s the thing- I’m the only one he’s so unkind to? -I must remember that in reality, I work for Christ. He’s the boss that matters. I truly care so much for he and his family and we are like family there- I guess that’s why it can be so painful and confusing. Family dysfunction. Anyway thanks for ‘listening’. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was never good at setting boundaries while drinking. I would put up with someone’s treatment, and then my resentment would build up until it boiled over somehow, usually while drinking. And then it would be so over the top and unwarranted. It wasn’t until I read Brene Brown’s book that I looked as setting boundaries as self-love. I still struggle with it, but am getting better. When I tried to do that in the work place, I came to a dead end. It was then I knew I had to make a change of some kind, or be engaged in a tit-for-tat work relationship for years.
        It’s sad when “treating you like family” means treating you poorly. I’m awed and amazed that you are able to see the Christ in this man. I read about and meditate on this all the time, but when it comes down to personal interaction, I get as pissed off as the next person. In real time, I can’t forgive fast enough. ; )
        Is there a way you can blackmail this guy?
        (TOTALLY KIDDING!!!) Just trying to lighten things up while it’s still dark outside and I am snowed in.)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. “Forgiveness is not about condoning the act; it’s about having compassion for the heart that has yet to see.” I heard that a long time ago and I’ve never forgotten it. Forgiveness is a process. Sometimes it’s over and over and over. ***A storm is headed our way this afternoon. Glad I’ll be home to snuggle down. 4-6 inches snow predicted.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Maybe it’s the same storm. We got about 5-6 inches, and it’s headed up the east coast of the U.S.
        I love the forgiveness quote. Somewhere I read that all anger and injustice is really just a cry for help. This person needs help. Being in the moment, however, it’s hard not feel threatened and hurt. Here’s a quote from A Course in Miracles: All things are lessons God would have me learn.

        If I think of life as a challenge or lesson, sometimes it’s easier.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Still snowed in …
        So the Course has a real challenge — it says that our brother is not guilty of anything, that we are projecting our own guilt onto him. That makes it easier to forgive if I think of it that way, but that’s at a super-star spiritual level for everyday use. ; )

        Liked by 1 person

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