Closing in on 1 month

No desire to drink as I near 1 month AF.

But then, my deluded thinking usually begins around the 3 month mark.  It begins with the (fake) nostalgia- then my thoughts lead to emotions;  to the sadness of missing a lover and sighing as I bemoan the fact of never seeing him again.

Maybe he would be different if I gave him another chance.  Maybe it was me.

More sadness… then excitement at the prospect. As the passion builds, the dark memories fade and all sound thinking and wisdom recede…eventually vanish into the tomb of slavery and self-deception.

dungeon

My will is rising. Getting stronger.

Why not?  I can leave him again if he hasn’t changed.  Or if I haven’t.

My thoughts have led to emotions which have led to delusion and then to an incredibly stupid action….the bottle.

Always with a very unhappy ending.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”    Romans 12:2 

In contrast to God’s will, my will usually brings sorrow and destruction.

I need to stop conforming to MY pattern in this world.  I need my mind transformed and renewed to see the wine for what it is… not the made up fantasy land in my head.

Where ever that came from.

“bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…”    2 Corinthians 10:5

I need to take every drinking thought captive much the same as if I thought of killing someone.

Because if I don’t, then I might.

28 days and so grateful.

Thanks be to God.

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Author: Elizabeth

Living a life of unceasing prayer in gratitude to Him who saved me.

21 thoughts on “Closing in on 1 month”

  1. Congrats on 28 days Elizabeth! I love this post. I was thinking about writing a poem the other day, about missing love. Not a particular man, just the one I apparently haven’t met yet! Nevertheless the thoughts still invade my head. Thank you for sharing and congrats again! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Congratulations on one month of sobriety. You have been here before so you are aware of that voice of moderation. That is important and one of the reasons that you will succeed this time. The first attempt I had at sobriety was going well till I listened to that voice. I am more aware of it now. So are you. Keep moving in the right direction, you are doing great xx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Yes it’s the 90 day hurdle…it’s a real thing… I am exactly the same!!!!! I would make it 90 days then relapse and drink for months, getting worse and worse. Elisabeth this time it’s diffrent. When that voice calls (and it will) we know it’s a liar. Well done on 28 days, I know you can do this. xxx

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Great stuff here, Elizabeth! I think the one item that popped out at me most was the ideas of conforming to your pattern in the world. I know that I tried to conform *everything* in the world to my warped view of things and myself. It caused me nothing but grief and I used my drinking to sort of cope with it. It was, understandably, a mess. Acceptance towards myself and others is the best I can do. Self-love and self-forgiveness too.

    Keep at it – it will be rough for a bit, but the payoff is beyond your wildest dreams.

    Blessings
    Paul

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey there js- all is as well as can be for now. Sober is the main thing. Work wise, I’m hoping for a couple of part time things to work out. It’s been a real test of my faith. You’re in my heart every day and hope you are doing ok.

      Like

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