No claiming of days here.

Anxiety has had its way.

Only the 3 D’s remain.

Disappointment, discouragement,  depression.

“My soul is a burden, bruised and bleeding.  It is tired of the man who carries it, but I find no place to set it down to rest.  Neither the charm of the countryside nor the sweet scents of a garden can soothe it.

It finds no peace in song or laughter, none in the company of friends at table or in the pleasures of love, none even in books or poetry….

Where can my heart find refuge from itself?

Where can I go, yet leave myself behind?”

St Augustine and Wally Lamb

I know where I can go and leave myself behind…but it never works.  As often as I think it might.

But thanks be to God…He never lets go of me.

Author: Elizabeth

Happy, joyous & free. Thanks be to God.

16 thoughts on “struggle”

      1. Laura I found that scripture very comforting. Even the apostle Paul struggled: Romans 7:19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing.


  1. Anxiety is a huge thing during recovery. I face it myself. May I recommend Dr Clare Weekes, an Australian psychologist. She has a few books on Audible and I personally find her voice and method very soothing. Her way of dealing with what she refers to as nervous illness is simple but effective. Sometimes I go to bed listening to her and it really soothes me.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Sorry Elisabeth. Don’t go down the self-loathing path. It’s not necessary. If you learn from this lapse it’s not a waste, its an opportunity! Maybe get that book Jenna is recommending if anxiety is a problem for you. You just need to learn to cope with these things without alcohol. It’s a learning curve. Most of us have too many day one’s to count. I certainly do! You can do this. xxxx

    Liked by 4 people

    1. You are absolutely right- self loathing leads to nothing but more of the same crap. Def going to check out Jenna’s recommendation. Thank you for all your support – I can do this and I will do this! Hugs.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Please don’t be hard on yourself Elizabeth. This is just one step in a greater journey and you sound like you reminded yourself that drinking doesn’t actually do what you want it to. Brush yourself off and keep going, you can do it. Hugs x

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I hope you have found some places to “leave the self behind”. I think they are there. Without sounding too evangelical about the twelve step process, part of the promises of working a program are to be “free of the bondage of self.” If you haven’t tried the steps, perhaps you could?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Mark. I do believe the steps are a great tool. I did “work” them way back when I was involved in AA, however, over the years as my faith has developed, I have found it to be more helpful to me at this point- the journey of “dying to the self” and surrendering. Same goal, different path. Today I am going to leave myself behind and bring some love and joy to a local nursing home. 🙂 Have a blessed day.

      Liked by 1 person

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