Not talking basketball here.
I am certifiably crazy in March. Every freakin’ March. I can handle January and February but by March I am nuts.
And that is when I have a steady job and my teeth aren’t falling out of my head and blah..blah..blah.
So, since my divorce and stints on the psych ward in 2009 and 2010, I’ve had a 6 year reprieve. Now the crapola hits the fan. Started over Christmas. And continues.
Struggling with thoughts. With emotions. Struggling with Him.
Just plain struggling.
To drink. Or not to.
Doesn’t seem to make a difference….
But I know better.
It does. It makes all the difference.
Not drinking is the key. To get through all the mud and molasses.
And come out better on the “other side”.
I feel as if I’m faced with a lifetime of failure.
But I know that is the dark side speaking to me in my time of weakness.
It’s all self-centered bullshit.
Pardon me, but there is no other word right for it.
Looking forward to the light.
Grateful. Yes, grateful. To be sober.
In spite of myself.
Thanks be to God.