Coming Out

I am trying something new.

I truly believe that anonymity is over rated.  Especially these days.  And especially for me.

And I know that it (or how I’ve used it) has kept me from recovery.  In a huge way.  There is something about speaking the truth.  As long as I held back this information, it kept me from fully accepting this aspect of myself.  I was using anonymity.  A lack of integrity.

Integrity: having moral or ethical convictions and doing the right thing in all circumstances, even if no one is watching you. Having integrity means you are true to yourself and would do nothing that demeans or dishonors you.

 Now that doesn’t mean I have left all discretion to the wind (I wouldn’t tell a prospective employer- at least not in the interview)  but I’ve been examining my own tendencies and reasons for “hiding” my alcoholism.  My main and most cherished excuse from fully accepting who I am and to remain anonymous- what will they think?

Only a small part.  Tiny part as compared to the real reason.

Even in friendships where I knew I would not be judged I withheld.

Why?

The unwillingness to fully commit myself to sobriety.  Bet you more savvy folks knew that was coming.   I wanted a back door.  Just in case. Guess what else?  These were also friendships in which the other may drink but have no issues.  You know.  They can take it or leave it.  But I wanted to reserve the right to take it when we were together and none of the discomfort of having outed myself.  Oh- I take it back. I’m not really…you know…. I’m ok now.   HA!  Busted.

If I wish to have a sober life for whatever time I have remaining in this world then it is time to drop the facade.  Time to own it.  Time to come out.  And really, at this point, I’m not so sure I really give a crap about what others think of me…. a benefit of wisdom or as in my case, age.

Certain things become less important as one grows older… and old.  And other things, things we never much cared or thought about become like gold.

By His power and Grace @ 6 weeks.

 

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Author: Elizabeth

Living a life of unceasing prayer in gratitude to Him who saved me.

15 thoughts on “Coming Out”

  1. Well, because we lead parallel lives, apparently, you’ve outed me as well. I hold the truth back “just in case” I want to hang out at some point later, and pretend all this sobriety stuff never happened. After all, I’ve quit before, and then somehow come to the conclusion that there was a good reason to drink again.

    Thank you for this insightful perspective, because as part of my new work, I am being asked to be completely open about my blog. Not just open, but to actively solicit recognition on other blogs, maybe even record a podcast. The idea of doing these things makes me both exhilarated and petrified.

    I have an idea. You do it first. 💕

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Bravo on your new work! I’m sure it will only serve to strengthen your sobriety. And you are such a beacon of inspiration! Pouring ourselves out for others is what it’s all about. Me first? I am shaking in my boots (sandals) at the thought. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is great – I think everyone has their own path in terms of whether they want to remain anonymous or not. I see both sides clearly. I am on the fence on it, for myself that it. I support anyone who wants to stay out of the spotlight, and I support anyone who wants to “recover out loud”. For me, I am sort of in the middle. I don’t post my full name on my blog, and I post pics of myself only once in a while. I don’t mention family much. I keep a lot of details buried. Then again, I have done some recovery stuff with my full name and picture. Some people have found me that way, and it doesn’t bother me. I have a book coming out, with my full name and picture. So I have been slowly opening up about it. It’s not shame that keeps me in the shadows a bit, but privacy. I am not one to splash everything about myself to all. But I know that in being open, I can help others, so I tend to lean towards that these days. Everyone finds their place, and it is sometimes fluid. So I cheer anyone wherever they are!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. There is a lot to be said on the anonymity thing. I know I’ve been through a lot with it. I’m in 12-step recovery. To me, I keep anonymous in which brand of recovery I use (there are dozens of 12-step group for drugs, alcohol, and everything else.) So that’s how I stay anonymous. Aside from that, I’m one of the “recover out loud” types. Although it’s mainly on the internet. I don’t talk about it much at work, mainly because nobody asks me. It’s not a common topic of conversation.

    Whatever you do, staying sober is the bravest thing you can do.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The truth really does set you free! In a world where people try to create false illusions of happiness and prosperity it is refreshing to hear truth! I sometimes think I am way too truthful for my own good but in being open about my problem with alcohol I have made the path less cluttered with obstacles ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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