I’ve made it through two holidays in 11 weeks. Building that sober muscle for what’s to come.
Spent some time yesterday morning with a relatively new friend. A year ago, when we were initially talking about getting together, she had just moved in to her new home a few blocks from me. She had mentioned that she made “great” cocktails.
Of course being me, I gently tucked that bit of info away (with excitement and anticipation) and kept silent as to my struggle with alcohol. I most certainly didn’t want to go burnin’ any bridges.
In one of my last posts I mentioned my need for honesty if I was to remain sober. This was exactly the type of situation to which I had referred.
Time to sing a new song. To respond differently. Time to decide what I really and truly wanted.
So yesterday I told her.
I didn’t share horrid details but enough so that now she knows.
I feel stronger for it.
Integrity is very important to me. In myself and in those I choose to spend time with. My integrity is in the process of rebuilding itself; within myself and with those around me. That’s what feels strong.
I have been on the fence about my sobriety for many years. On again, off again sobriety. Mostly off. I was commitment phobic. Double-minded.
Actually, I was just another alcoholic not wanting to be an alcoholic.
My grand finale 11 weeks ago hit me where it hurts most of us the hardest; in the arena of pride. Self image. What others see. Really see about us and in us.
I’ve been praying to see myself as I really am… not how I envision myself or would like to be.
It is good to be sober. Thanks be to God.