Tomorrow I will hit the 5 month mark.
It’s been relatively easy as my grand finale is still fresh in memory. I drive by the cheese shop on my way home and see the lights on in the back room knowing the gang are all kickin’ back at closing time. With cocktails of course. And then there’s the liquor shop right next door to them. No chance of running out.
The mental gymnastics I go through in that 2 second drive by are remarkable.
It looks cozy and inviting. The camaraderie. The bliss of checking out.
But it’s all fake.
One big illusion. Take away the alcohol and it’s gone. All that’s left is the aftermath. The self-destruction parading itself as a good time. What the…? It seemed so real.
Maybe next time will be different.
Those 6 words have kept me enslaved to alcohol for 50 years. Yes, I’ve had periods of sobriety but I’ve fallen over and over and over…..all because of that innocent sounding statement.
And it is only by the Grace of the good Lord that I am still here.
Most nights as I pass the shop, I see my thoughts for what they are and smile. The yetzer hara attempting to have its way with me.
Sorry, you best move on. Ain’t going to happen.
But driving home from work Saturday night I got hit bad as I passed the shop.
I prayed. Real hard.
And then the image came. The 4 day binge.
Repulsion replaced the craving.
Thanks be to God.