Re-post from 2 year ago today in honor of my brother’s passing.
So yes, third Christmas, no alcohol. Truly a miracle. Almost feels like I’ve never even had alcohol in my life…if it weren’t for the memories.
As Belle would say, “You never know when Wolfie will show up at the door.” Revisiting those memories comes in very handy at those times. Me thinks I’ll hang on to them.
I’ve not written for a long time (as you know) but I am doing lots of other therapeutic work.
And praying my way through it all.
So much has changed.
Inside not out. Becoming who I was created to be.
This year has been the hardest of my life. And the absolute best and victorious in a personal as well as professional way. This hard work is coming to fruition… I’m finally fully alive…. loving, laughing, living, giving, receiving, creating. And crying….mostly tears of joy for the grace and mercy bestowed on me but also tears of suffering as well. The suffering of others when I look out the window. This world. What’s different is the suffering is not all consuming. I’m not drowning in it.
I can now hold joy and sadness in the same moment.
Most of the time anyway.
I know what’s mine and what’s not. My responsibilities… and what I have not an ounce of control over. The lines between my being and the rest of the world are clear. Firm but loving boundaries. Amen.
Those of us in early sobriety- and I still consider myself in early sobriety considering the time I spent drinking, are in what my sister called the “Fertile Void”. Isn’t that great?
The rewards will come. Guaranteed to come if we hang in there and do the work. Everything is better without the drink. Stay strong. For yourself and for the world. We need you.
I thank anyone who’s still following this stale site- I’m hoping to write more in the year to come. And Nadine, thank you for coming to find me. I hope and pray we get to be smile to smile one day. Much love to you and Tree.
Have a Blessed, Joyous and Peace-filled Christmas.
May God Bless us all.
Paul S. was one of the first blogs I read when searching for sober blogs.
What is emotional sobriety, and why is it so important in recovery? It’s been called the “next frontier” of recovery by Bill Wilson, and simply put, is being able to experience, confront, and accept all emotions, even the painful ones. It doesn’t mean “turning a frown upside down”, but it does mean having a healthy […]