Emotional Sobriety — Message in a Bottle

Paul S. was one of the first blogs I read when searching for sober blogs.

What is emotional sobriety, and why is it so important in recovery? It’s been called the “next frontier” of recovery by Bill Wilson, and simply put, is being able to experience, confront, and accept all emotions, even the painful ones. It doesn’t mean “turning a frown upside down”, but it does mean having a healthy […]

via Emotional Sobriety — Message in a Bottle

Still. — Laura Parrott Perry

We were together. I forget the rest.Walt Whitman There are no villains in this story. It is important to me that you understand this. It’s something I’ve learned at long last and at great cost – there can be loss and pain and hurt without anyone being the bad guy. We are pretty much all…

via Still. — Laura Parrott Perry

Full Circle Forward

I’ve had some moments of inspiration but have not wanted to remain writing only of sobriety. So…. I have a new creation. Even newer than yesterday when I originally posted here of the change.  Of course I decided to change the title of the blog and now can’t seem to reblog the post here as I had done yesterday.  So tech challenged.  Anyway, haven’t done much with the particulars such as theme, about, etc.- all that will be a work in progress. I felt getting the words down most important. And while I continue to limp along and find out what I’m doing wrong, you’ll need to click on Full Circle Forward to find me.

One and done. Farewell…for now

I began WTW because I had a desperate desire to put down the alcohol; not because I wanted to write.  But I began to witness this amazing sober community of strength and support and (mostly) non-judgemental attitudes.  And these people were doing it!  Living sober.  And some had been living it for years.  AND…..they were happy.

So I wrote.

I felt it might be my last shot.

Well here I am with 1 year and 2 weeks today.  Unrecognizable at every turn.  I’m at peace with who I am in sobriety and who I am becoming. I am full of hope and look forward to pursuing my remaining years as a sober woman.  By God’s grace, I will pass from this world to the next sober.  One of my goals is to be a kinder, gentler version of myself.  Emphasize the positive traits, temper down the character flaws and defects and mix well with a lot of love!  I’m down 15 pounds although part of that was leaving the cheese shop! I love my job now and the people I lead.  The gratitude most days is overflowing.

I don’t even blink now when someone asks me why I don’t drink-  so rude to begin with.  I just look deadpan at them eye to eye and say “Oh you go first and tell me why you do.”  Usually there’s an awkward silence and then some mumbling.  Gets ’em every time.

  Should someone ever actually take me up on it and list reasons, they’ll be listing all the reasons I don’t.

I do not need to drink anymore.  Not that I’m cured, oh no way.  But way deep down inside of me I feel like a non-drinker.  If it weren’t for the lifetime of wretched memories, it would feel like it’s never even been a part of my life.

BUT…..

you all know we all have “those” days.

That’s why it’s so important to work hard to develop those emotional/mental/spiritual muscles and strong self-care routines early on.  The healthy habits will help pull you through those times of tests and trials.  Along with lots of support from those who’ve gone before you.

So…..

this will be my last post for the foreseeable future.  I’m leaving the blog in place should I feel inspired.  Right now though the thought of writing is painful.  I want to enjoy it- not feel burdened by it.  It’s just not happening for me now.

I will leave you all with two things:

The first is a link to one of my sober heroes latest blog post.  This year did not come easy for me.  I started to become a chronic relapser.  Her posts are always uplifting and in this latest she writes of why it’s so hard to get/stay sober.

Tipsy No More

The second is something I read during my morning prayers last week.  I immediately thought of this sober community.  It is written from one Christian sojourner to another;  someone he’s never met.

“It is not surprising if, despite being far apart, we are present to each other….because we are members of one body, we have one head, we are steeped in one grace, we live on one loaf, we walk on one road, and we dwell in the same house.”      St. Paulinus of Nola to St. Augustine

Peace and Love to you all and may you be blessed.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

Her Story Love in Addiction

I believe Mara is one of the most powerful voices in our opioid epidemic today. She and her husband have a remarkable and heart wrenching story of suffering and hope.

Real Life

Life is like my blooming orchid, at the last post mere buds.

I know it has been awhile, but I have not forgotten you my dear readers. Today my husband has not picked up in 589 days.  Life has been busy. A combination of regular day-to-day and work stuff as well as cleaning up the wreckage from my husband’s using days. The mountain of wreckage has now become a small hill, perhaps even a mere pile. One day at a time we are facing the past, cleaning it up, and staying clean. And I am still learning about the power of forgiveness. But that is for another post in the works.

Today  I wanted to share a piece I wrote in January for a recovery website, The Hope Fiend.

Her Story

Love in Addiction

You imagine you will be reborn in the sky, but it took descent back to the earth…

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Looking Back @ 1 Year WTW…almost

1 month from today, pray to God, I’ll have 1 solid year of sobriety.  It’s hard to believe but then…it’s not.  It’s been a battle hard-won.  Twenty-two years of head banging, inner conflict and torment.  Knowing the truth.  Trying to deny it. Work around it. Trick it.  Ignore it.

Anything but face it.

The powerlessness.  The unmanageability of my life although most of the time, I put on a pretty good show.

The wreckage.

The withering of my soul.

Oh yeah, there have been times when the blinders came off and moments where the truth sunk in- even a spirit of willingness.  Usually after a humiliation.  But the willingness came more from an attempt to redeem myself; in my own eyes as well as for those around me- a bargaining chip- an action originating in pride to soften the sting of idiocy.

The willingness was for the wrong reasons.

But now…everything has changed.

I have not had even one day of taking this sobriety for granted and I’m still in awe that I truly am a new creation.

Thanks be to God.

I’ve had an aversion to all things electronically social these past 3 or 4 months.  Kind of like I overdosed. So, I’m unsure as to how long I will continue posting here on WTW.   While I do enjoy and derive great satisfaction from the finished product when I post, it’s a long and arduous process.  Perfectionism makes it way too time consuming.

But I don’t want to just disappear. I’ve spent most of my life doing just that and it’s a pattern of old behavior that needs to go.  And it leaves me feeling unsettled when others do the same.

While I suffer deeply for connection, it’s the thing I have always feared the most.

I used to love the A.A. saying “Live and let live”.  Most selfish people do.  We take it to mean “Ask  nothing of me and I’ll ask nothing of you”.  Perfect.

That’s not what it means.

Thank you to all my fellow bloggers (you know who you are) who have seen me through to this amazing point because while I give the glory to the Lord for my sobriety, He sent you, His angels, to me.