Supernatural Sammy

I rescued her in 2007 from a shelter.  She’d been there for a year after being taken from a home along with 152 other cats.  Some not living.  Horrible.  But I guess the woman meant well.  So often our intentions are good and we can’t see we’re making a hell for others.

Animal or human.

Sammy looked nothing like the photo above.  She was one solid mat ball of fur.  And, wow, she stunk…. real bad.

Oh, but she was a sweetie.

 A loving, affectionate mess of a cat and I had to have her… my husband (at the time) is a “designer” kind of guy.  At least he was then.  Everything he owned had to make a statement of excellence. We argued.  “But she’s a mess!” he cried.  “Yeah? Well so am I!” I piped back at him.

I won.

Turned out she really only responded to me.  She was actually quite feral but slowly she began to trust and we healed together.  You see I had rescued Sammy right after I was released from the hospital.  Locked ward kind of hospital thanks to Lexapro.  Four weeks into it, it triggered a manic psychotic episode and then a downward dive into a suicidal despair.

So Sammy and I, we were both a little off at the time.  Both traumatized by life.

My sweet 20 year old kitty is not well.  Dr. Bernie thinks it might be lymphoma. I know I’ve given her a wonderful life and I have no words for what she has given me.  Pure love and joy….and healing. I guess those are words but they seem so inadequate.  I’ve never had the bond with another animal that I have with her.  She is truly supernatural.  I sometimes wonder- she seems part dog, part human with a little cat thrown in.

I can’t fix this.

I just don’t want her to suffer.

Please pray for her peaceful passing.

🙏

I am so very grateful to all of you.  This incredible tribe of sober warriors.

 

 

 

Role Reversal — the MIRACLE of the MUNDANE

My addiction, despite treating it for twelve years, has never stopped amazing me. When I sit in meetings and hear people share their stories, I am reminded of my own. And the more time I have sober, the more difficult it is to believe the lengths I used to go for a drink or drug.…

via Role Reversal — the MIRACLE of the MUNDANE

3rd Sober Christmas…

So yes, third Christmas, no alcohol.  Truly a miracle.  Almost feels like I’ve never even had alcohol in my life…if it weren’t for the memories.

As Belle would say, “You never know when Wolfie will show up at the door.” Revisiting those memories comes in very handy at those times.  Me thinks I’ll hang on to them.

I’ve not written for a long time (as you know) but I am doing lots of other therapeutic work.

And praying my way through it all.

So much has changed.

Inside not out. Becoming who I was created to be.

This year has been the hardest of my life.  And the absolute best and  victorious in a personal as well as professional way.  This hard work is coming to fruition… I’m finally fully alive…. loving, laughing, living, giving, receiving, creating.  And crying….mostly tears of joy for the grace and mercy bestowed on me but also tears of suffering as well.  The suffering of others when I look out the window. This world.  What’s different is the suffering is not all consuming. I’m not drowning in it.

I can now hold joy and sadness in the same moment. 

Most of the time anyway.

I know what’s mine and what’s not.  My responsibilities… and what I have not an ounce of control over.  The lines between my being and the rest of the world are clear. Firm but loving boundaries. Amen.

Those of us in early sobriety- and I still consider myself in early sobriety considering the time I spent drinking, are in what my sister called the “Fertile Void”.  Isn’t that great?

The rewards will come.  Guaranteed to come if we hang in there and do the work.  Everything is better without the drink.  Stay strong.  For yourself and for the world. We need you.

I thank anyone who’s still following this stale site- I’m hoping to write more in the year to come. And Nadine, thank you for coming to find me.  I hope and pray we get to be smile to smile one day.  Much love to you and Tree.

Have a Blessed, Joyous and Peace-filled Christmas.

May God Bless us all.

 

 

 

Emotional Sobriety — Message in a Bottle

Paul S. was one of the first blogs I read when searching for sober blogs.

What is emotional sobriety, and why is it so important in recovery? It’s been called the “next frontier” of recovery by Bill Wilson, and simply put, is being able to experience, confront, and accept all emotions, even the painful ones. It doesn’t mean “turning a frown upside down”, but it does mean having a healthy […]

via Emotional Sobriety — Message in a Bottle

Full Circle Forward

I’ve had some moments of inspiration but have not wanted to remain writing only of sobriety. So…. I have a new creation. Even newer than yesterday when I originally posted here of the change.  Of course I decided to change the title of the blog and now can’t seem to reblog the post here as I had done yesterday.  So tech challenged.  Anyway, haven’t done much with the particulars such as theme, about, etc.- all that will be a work in progress. I felt getting the words down most important. And while I continue to limp along and find out what I’m doing wrong, you’ll need to click on Full Circle Forward to find me.