Especially when it comes to certain men. Certain men that I find appealing.
And really, there are not many that turn my head.
It has little to do with looks and everything to do with demeanor and character. I mean, I’d rather you not be a hunchback or anything. But when that special combination arrives in front of me and the interest appears mutual…..I turn into a blubbering idiot.
I give myself away. Just like a happy pooch.
I remember my mom always said: “You need to keep some mystery about you.” I hated that! It seemed dishonest but I’ve always had a tough time distinguishing between what was being truthful, what was ok to be private about (share with only a few) and what was appropriate to share and with whom. It’s all been very confusing for me.
I can appear to be aloof because I am (somewhat) reserved. I dislike small talk and having to make conversation. If we talk, let’s get down to it.
I want to know what feeds your soul.
And you can be sure I will tell you what feeds mine along with the long drawn out history of why, who, what, where and how.
But because this takes a lot of energy, let’s only do this if we think we can make a go of it. You know… be friends and all that. I’ve not only approached my (few) romantic interests this way but also my women friends as well.
Sometimes I wonder about myself. Less often than I used to… but still. When I look at myself, I see a mess of bloody contradictions. Definitely not gifted in the social arena.
I remember reading somewhere in the blogosphere: “People should earn the privilege of hearing your story.”
If you are the owner of that quote, please claim it! I would like to thank you. I’ve actually started keeping a journal of all the amazing bits of wisdom I’ve read along with the wise men and women that “spoke” them. I want to give the credit where it’s due.
Because you have all been my healers and helpers.
Of course GOD is the master healer because He led me to you all, but I would not be here sober had I not found this amazing and nurturing community.
The good news is that I’m getting used to being in my own skin. With sobriety I have peace. A growing acceptance of the things I can’t change and a strong desire to change what I can. So what if I don’t have all the answers. I really am a person of solitude and quite happy with my independence.
I know that my path is total devotion to the Lord. If He sees fit to give me a partner to share that devotion, my social idiosyncrasies won’t matter…I’ll be loved just as I am.
In ending, it just struck me that a little mystery is a good thing.
A beautiful thing.
A GOD thing.
Merry Christmas and Peace on Earth to all.