Closing in on 1 month

No desire to drink as I near 1 month AF.

But then, my deluded thinking usually begins around the 3 month mark.  It begins with the (fake) nostalgia- then my thoughts lead to emotions;  to the sadness of missing a lover and sighing as I bemoan the fact of never seeing him again.

Maybe he would be different if I gave him another chance.  Maybe it was me.

More sadness… then excitement at the prospect. As the passion builds, the dark memories fade and all sound thinking and wisdom recede…eventually vanish into the tomb of slavery and self-deception.

dungeon

My will is rising. Getting stronger.

Why not?  I can leave him again if he hasn’t changed.  Or if I haven’t.

My thoughts have led to emotions which have led to delusion and then to an incredibly stupid action….the bottle.

Always with a very unhappy ending.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”    Romans 12:2 

In contrast to God’s will, my will usually brings sorrow and destruction.

I need to stop conforming to MY pattern in this world.  I need my mind transformed and renewed to see the wine for what it is… not the made up fantasy land in my head.

Where ever that came from.

“bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…”    2 Corinthians 10:5

I need to take every drinking thought captive much the same as if I thought of killing someone.

Because if I don’t, then I might.

28 days and so grateful.

Thanks be to God.

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