In Celebration of Webb

I am in total awe of the images revealed this week by the amazing new space telescope, Webb. Actually, to be more accurate, I am in total awe of the God who gave us the ability to create and launch it….all with astounding success!

“Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” Gen 1:26

For those of you who read scripture, have you ever wondered who God was with? “Let us….”? Who is the “us” in this scripture?

The Trinity. One in Three. God is the Master Craftsman. God is also the Word made flesh: Jesus, and God is also the Holy Spirit. Three distinct forms of the one God. Kind of like water: rain, fog and ice. All contain the same essence. Together in beginning….. at least this is my simpleton’s way of trying to understand that which can’t be understood by our limited and finite minds.

We also have three distinct aspects to our being. We have a mind which gives us the ability to create; the mind of God. We also have a body; God incarnate as Jesus- the Word made flesh. And we have a soul which is where our spirit dwells; the Holy Spirit.

So here we are now at this point in time, with the ability to see photos of our universe which, by the way, took only 13 billion light years to travel for us to see. What?? Incomprehensible to this little spec of a humanoid.

“It does not compute, Will Robinson!”

So to get back to us: how is it that the more we discover, the less we believe? We forget that we did not create the world, the universe or ourselves. We did not create the brain that allows us to achieve these phenomenal accomplishments. Sadly, we forget our humble beginnings and begin to believe we are gods. A dangerous thing to believe when we lack the love needed to be responsible creators. Dangerous for all of the life on this planet. And beyond.

The following is a loose quote by someone who was very instrumental in my journey to belief- Francis Collins, geneticist and former director of the National Institute for Health.*

“If God gave us this amazing ability to create, to explore and discover the world and how it works, should we not use that ability and in the process of carrying out scientific discoveries, become more in awe– not less, of the One who has endowed us with this incredible gift?”

But we humans have an astonishing capacity to forget- ask any alcoholic who has repeated “the experiment” of controlled drinking only to find him/her self drunk once again. Complete with all the horrendous consequences; over and over and over. I, myself, have repeated this experiment far too many times to enumerate. The moment we begin to feel better can signal the beginning of a period of extreme danger. Proceed with caution.

Pray for humility.

Just a morning rambling from a grateful sober human.

Thanks be to God.

*Francis Sellers Collins is an American physician-geneticist who discovered the genes associated with a number of diseases and led the Human Genome Project. He is the former director of the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, from 17 August 2009 to 19 December 2021, serving under three presidents, and for over thirteen years.


Yes to Sobriety: 5 Years

5 years and holding strong….

I’ve been struggling with whether to take down WTW or not. It’s been a year since my last post and somehow 5 years seems an ideal time to either renew my commitment to posting or……. let it go. Move on and stop struggling. Let go of the struggle. Yes.

The summer solstice and my sobriety date arrive together every year as both occur on the 21st of June. What a gift! Right now the catbirds, robins, Carolina wrens (one in particular) and a host of other magnificent winged creatures are serenading me into the morning. I look through the window to a world, no- a paradise really, of astounding beauty. The view is of the Falls River, actually the Mill Pond, a section of the river. Mist rising over the water, created by by the early morning sun and cool night temps inspires a prayer. Great blue herons, red-shouldered hawks, osprey, fisher cats, coyotes, and even a bear make their home with me here. I am a naturalist at heart. And a lover of the Creator of this world.

But as I sit here this morning, my sense of immense gratitude and joy gives way to an aching sadness and despair for the senseless destruction, the killing and the pain we inflict on one another and on this beautiful nest of ours. The world I have been blessed to wake up to every day bears little resemblance to the world in which the majority of people who inhabit this globe call home. Seriously.

Most people in the world live in poverty. 85% of the world lives on less than $30 per day, two-thirds live on less than $10 per day, and every tenth person lives on less than $1.90 per day.

I’ve read somewhere that we (modern man) have developed in such a way as to become the only species that destroys the very things that sustain its life.

I believe we are in the process of de-evolution. What else could explain the state we find ourselves in? De-evolution of the heart and brain… the heart is the seat of compassion and our brains give us the ability to think and reason. What else could explain the images and stories that bombard us every day?

We seemed to be doing so well. For a few years, anyway. Or maybe I just wasn’t paying attention……

I’ve thought a lot during these last few years. Thought about what I’ve done. And what I’ve left undone. As a result of this deep work, I have made a decision to give the remaining years of my life to God and to serve others. I’ve had a lifetime of serving myself and I believe our own self-serving greed is a large part, if not all, of the problems our world faces now….. . The tipping point. In every way.

I think I’ll let WTW stay for now but I’ll leave the struggle behind. Seems like a waste of energy and silly struggle when there is much good work to be done.

Thanks be to God for the gift of sobriety.

4 Years & a Short Note

I seem to be fading away with posting here but I’ve decided to maintain this blog anyway because I really do enjoy writing. That is when I’m not hating it. I love the sense of accomplishment and reading back to myself what I’ve unearthed even though it can be a most painful process.

My tendency toward perfectionism is to blame as well as the curious phenomena that can occur when I sit down to write: I can’t seem to pull it out of my head! I go through periods where I got nothin’ – or at least want to spare others of what’s in there. And then there are times my mind is like that character on a sitcom from long ago. All the various players in my brain (yes, I’m afraid I have many) are throwing up their hands shouting something like:

“OOH! OOH! Pick me! Pick me! I got it- I got it!” But even then- when I sit down all goes quiet. I wish I could remember the sitcom…. ‘Welcome Back Kotter’?

7/3/21 Post publishing notation: I did some research and found my guy! The much loved Horshack . And yes, the sitcom was WBK.

Anyway, just wanted to shout out that I made my 4 year sober anniversary 6/21/21! The rewards just keep getting better. I really am a new creation. It’s been so worth the fight, so worth the effort.

It’s been so worth the work of learning to love and not destroy myself.

Choosing life ain’t for the faint of heart but if you do, you will be astonished. Over and over and over. And over.

Cheers to sobriety.

Thanks be to God and the support of this amazing sober community.

💜 🙏 💜

Image: My nephew took this shot on Maui.

Look at the trees…

“When you go into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees… and some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens and some of them are – whatever. And you look at the tree, and you just – allow it. You appreciate it. You see why it is the way it is, you sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way, and you don’t get all emotional about it, you just allow it. You appreciate the tree.

The minute you get near humans, you lose all that, and you’re constantly saying, “You’re too this,” or “I’m too this,” or – that judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees, which means appreciating them just the way they are.”

Ram Dass (Richard Alpert 4/6/31-12/22/19)


When our judgements are allowed to become what we believe is true, as far from the truth as they might be, it is then that the heart becomes restless. Fostered judgements are the enemy of community. Agitation replaces peace. When embraced as truth, they block vision. Self-judgement breeds shame, grief, remorse, isolation, hatred, rage, fear and hopelessness.

When judging another, it is the same judgement we will often find in our own heart if we look long enough, deep enough and hard enough.

Or honest enough.

Once found inside our own hearts, we have a choice to make.

We can deny it…. and with that denial we can push back and bury all the pain of seeing it in ourselves. And continue on with all that keeps us at war.

With ourselves and with one another.

Or, we can embrace it. Resistant at first- stiff with unbelief- but stay with it. Ask your Creator for the compassion to see yourself through the eyes of His Heart. This work is not easy nor will it produce instant results. But if done with a sincere and open heart, those same judgements will soon be seen for what they are…. fear. Lies that create separation from those around us and from ourselves. The whispered lies that keep us disconnected from our soul and unable to love our neighbor…. or ourselves.

Aren’t we called to love our neighbor as ourselves?

When I can see and accept- and not only accept but embrace- the thing in myself that repulses me in another, I am free. Because we finally see there is nothing to hide from. We are all the same. We each have the same capacity to be goodness and light…. or the other. And none of us is purely one or the other. We’re a mixed bag hopefully with the desire to move in the direction of our best and highest version of self.

I have struggled with the perceptions and judgements of being a misfit and outsider my entire life. As a result, I have adjusted my life to these misguided beliefs. I stopped participating in life where I thought I would be judged. I am a person of solitude and the natural world but we humans are not meant to live as islands. True joy and happiness come from serving others- not ourselves. The happiness that “attaining” something brings, whether it be a person, place or thing is temporary. Soon, we’ll need another fix. The cycle will be unending.

I recently gave up another drug- nicotine vaping. I’ve used nicotine since I was 12 years old to distract and bury all sorts of emotions. Mostly grief and sadness but even happy emotions needed to be quelled by smoking, as well. It was as if my heart couldn’t handle any feeling too big.

Smoking was a way to not feel.

It’s been quite a ride these past couple of weeks. One morning I woke from a dream about my ex-husband who, by the way, is a dear friend these days. We were divorcing and the emotions of abandonment, grief and sadness were there as if it was happening now…. we’ve been divorced for 10 years.

As unpleasant as it was to feel that stuff, I took it as a good sign. The remnants of what I was incapable of feeling then are coming to the surface. I believe these bits and pieces of me that were not able to be felt will continue for some time…

….but I sense a clearing.

I think I see a rainbow.

Thanks be to God.

I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me, freeing me from all my fears. I cried out to the Lord in my suffering, and he heard me. He set me free from all my fears.

Psalm 34: 4,6 NLT


This is an essay that appears in a collection of my selected Magnificat writings called Holy Days and Gospel Reflections. “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” [Acts 9:4] Authentic conversion always comes from realizing that we have been “persecuting” Christ. In the fall of 1986, I spent thirty days at an addiction treatment center…


Happy New Year!

I survived 2020 without a drink. 

I think a tee-shirt or baseball cap is in order with that slogan for those of us who’re not shy about shouting out how good we feel about it.

In the event you did not escape 2020 soberly, please, please, please, don’t stop trying.  It ain’t easy- especially in the horror show that just had a record run; but there are enough of us to vouch that if you hang in- and  get some time in, you will be amazed at and with life sober.  Guaranteed.  Anything worthwhile is worth the struggle, energy and commitment you put in….. but you need to do the work.  And you need to give it time.

Wait for it.

When I think about how hard it was to live with alcohol but at the same time how I despaired of living without it, I am so grateful to Belle  and all those that went before me and supported me here. The inspiration, courage and strength came not from me but from them…. and God led me here- to them.

Well, I’m on the run and off to work…..

A Joyous, Peace-filled and Safe New Year to all!


From the Twitter feeds of: 

2020 written by Stephen King, directed by Quentin Tarantino-Winona Simons 

If 2020 were a person…., -Sushmita Panda

2020- Wouldn’t recommmend- Jimbel1

Christmas # 4 Without the Whine…

and this has been the most challenging yet. Experienced cravings for alcohol like an itch I couldn’t scratch….

Haven’t posted since my 3 year anniversary in June- journaling very sporadically if at all. Like most, 2020 has left me scrambling for mental and emotional health. I’ve succeeded in killing off the monsters one by one. I’m sure they’ll be waiting for me but as long as I stay vigilant, I will survive.

At least mentally.

How I managed the cravings was to really allow myself to sit with that itch. Not try to resist but just allow it to be; but at the same time, replaying the video in my head of my last bottom. Still makes me cringe. My life is so, so different now. I am so different now. And I know that if I drink again I’ll be crawling under a bar lower than the last. No thanks.

Seen too much suffering this year. Keeping the rage at bay and the howling at the moon (and not at fellow humans) has required enormous faith, strength, and fortitude.

And we move forward. With faith and hope… Lord give us hope.

I intensely dislike this new format for writing so going to keep this short- not in a good mode for learning. Hoping I can find a way to go back to the old WP format for posting.

I have missed being here and keeping up with y’all. I hope and pray that everyone is healthy and sober and staying somewhat sane in this insane world.

Love and miss each of you.

Have a Blessed Christmas and a Peace-filled New Year.

May God be with us.

Friends Before Family

This is so important and needed. Beautiful, amazing and incredibly wise. Thank you, kyesubire.


This season I have had disturbing conversations about friendship.

My heart breaks over and over hearing people talking about the pain of relationships in the time of hardships. I have been blessed to have long lasting relationships that are judgement free but deeply accountable and I have been judged and denounced by those I thought were friends. True friendship is intense and often hard to maintain because it needs extreme vulnerability that keep it alive. The hidden truth is that you cannot have many of these deep relationships. You cannot be naked and unashamed with many people.

Friendship is the foundation of all relationships even in the family. Just because we are born of the same father and mother and raised in the same home does not mean we are automatically friends; friendship must be cultivated. Many of us are closer to our friends when things are good and when…

View original post 1,026 more words

What we got here is a failure to communicate!


 No reason in particular… just feel like I could whack something really hard. Something. Not someone.

Really good thing I’m not drinking.  I wasn’t a happy drunk.

Actually, one problem I’ve been having is this:  lately, more often than not, I am not getting return calls or messages from people.  Some are friends, some just acquaintances.   I’m not talking about the lack of responding in a timely manner- I’m talking not responding at all!  What the??   The rudeness and lack of consideration astounds me.

There must be 50 ways to leave a message.

And maybe the above hints of where the problem lies:  two problems really.  My expectations, for one and two, there are just too many options when it comes to communication.

The good ole days-  a telephone.  Just call.  No answer? not home.  Busy signal? on the phone- but at least you know they’re home.  Then comes the arrival of answering machines. Ahhh…  now the screening of calls begins.  So as you’re leaving a message, paranoid self is wondering if there is someone hovering at the other end to see who it is before they commit to picking it up.  Caller ID made it simpler- you didn’t need to wait for the message to know who you wanted to avoid.  Email arrived soon after that.  Or before that?   Then cell phones- great- not home?  call the cell.  Don’t forget to check the cell phone voicemail.  Or iMessage if you’re rich enough for an iPhone.  Oh yeah, I almost forgot the text messages.  OK folks, now we’ve also got Facebook and the countless other social media sites where messages can be left.

Anyone else see how insane this is?

Rant over.

Thanks for listening.

Thanks be to God I’m still sober.

🙏 6/21/17 🙏

Image: By Warner Bros. Entertainment – Screenshots from the original trailer, Public Domain,


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