Re-post from 2 year ago today in honor of my brother’s passing.
So yes, third Christmas, no alcohol. Truly a miracle. Almost feels like I’ve never even had alcohol in my life…if it weren’t for the memories.
As Belle would say, “You never know when Wolfie will show up at the door.” Revisiting those memories comes in very handy at those times. Me thinks I’ll hang on to them.
I’ve not written for a long time (as you know) but I am doing lots of other therapeutic work.
And praying my way through it all.
So much has changed.
Inside not out. Becoming who I was created to be.
This year has been the hardest of my life. And the absolute best and victorious in a personal as well as professional way. This hard work is coming to fruition… I’m finally fully alive…. loving, laughing, living, giving, receiving, creating. And crying….mostly tears of joy for the grace and mercy bestowed on me but also tears of suffering as well. The suffering of others when I look out the window. This world. What’s different is the suffering is not all consuming. I’m not drowning in it.
I can now hold joy and sadness in the same moment.
Most of the time anyway.
I know what’s mine and what’s not. My responsibilities… and what I have not an ounce of control over. The lines between my being and the rest of the world are clear. Firm but loving boundaries. Amen.
Those of us in early sobriety- and I still consider myself in early sobriety considering the time I spent drinking, are in what my sister called the “Fertile Void”. Isn’t that great?
The rewards will come. Guaranteed to come if we hang in there and do the work. Everything is better without the drink. Stay strong. For yourself and for the world. We need you.
I thank anyone who’s still following this stale site- I’m hoping to write more in the year to come. And Nadine, thank you for coming to find me. I hope and pray we get to be smile to smile one day. Much love to you and Tree.
Have a Blessed, Joyous and Peace-filled Christmas.
May God Bless us all.
Paul S. was one of the first blogs I read when searching for sober blogs.
What is emotional sobriety, and why is it so important in recovery? It’s been called the “next frontier” of recovery by Bill Wilson, and simply put, is being able to experience, confront, and accept all emotions, even the painful ones. It doesn’t mean “turning a frown upside down”, but it does mean having a healthy […]
We were together. I forget the rest.Walt Whitman There are no villains in this story. It is important to me that you understand this. It’s something I’ve learned at long last and at great cost – there can be loss and pain and hurt without anyone being the bad guy. We are pretty much all…
I’ve had some moments of inspiration but have not wanted to remain writing only of sobriety. So…. I have a new creation. Even newer than yesterday when I originally posted here of the change. Of course I decided to change the title of the blog and now can’t seem to reblog the post here as I had done yesterday. So tech challenged. Anyway, haven’t done much with the particulars such as theme, about, etc.- all that will be a work in progress. I felt getting the words down most important. And while I continue to limp along and find out what I’m doing wrong, you’ll need to click on Full Circle Forward to find me.
I began WTW because I had a desperate desire to put down the alcohol; not because I wanted to write. But I began to witness this amazing sober community of strength and support and (mostly) non-judgemental attitudes. And these people were doing it! Living sober. And some had been living it for years. AND…..they were happy.
So I wrote.
I felt it might be my last shot.
Well here I am with 1 year and 2 weeks today. Unrecognizable at every turn. I’m at peace with who I am in sobriety and who I am becoming. I am full of hope and look forward to pursuing my remaining years as a sober woman. By God’s grace, I will pass from this world to the next sober. One of my goals is to be a kinder, gentler version of myself. Emphasize the positive traits, temper down the character flaws and defects and mix well with a lot of love! I’m down 15 pounds although part of that was leaving the cheese shop! I love my job now and the people I lead. The gratitude most days is overflowing.
I don’t even blink now when someone asks me why I don’t drink- so rude to begin with. I just look deadpan at them eye to eye and say “Oh you go first and tell me why you do.” Usually there’s an awkward silence and then some mumbling. Gets ’em every time.
Should someone ever actually take me up on it and list reasons, they’ll be listing all the reasons I don’t.
I do not need to drink anymore. Not that I’m cured, oh no way. But way deep down inside of me I feel like a non-drinker. If it weren’t for the lifetime of wretched memories, it would feel like it’s never even been a part of my life.
you all know we all have “those” days.
That’s why it’s so important to work hard to develop those emotional/mental/spiritual muscles and strong self-care routines early on. The healthy habits will help pull you through those times of tests and trials. Along with lots of support from those who’ve gone before you.
this will be my last post for the foreseeable future. I’m leaving the blog in place should I feel inspired. Right now though the thought of writing is painful. I want to enjoy it- not feel burdened by it. It’s just not happening for me now.
I will leave you all with two things:
The first is a link to one of my sober heroes latest blog post. This year did not come easy for me. I started to become a chronic relapser. Her posts are always uplifting and in this latest she writes of why it’s so hard to get/stay sober.
The second is something I read during my morning prayers last week. I immediately thought of this sober community. It is written from one Christian sojourner to another; someone he’s never met.
“It is not surprising if, despite being far apart, we are present to each other….because we are members of one body, we have one head, we are steeped in one grace, we live on one loaf, we walk on one road, and we dwell in the same house.” St. Paulinus of Nola to St. Augustine
Peace and Love to you all and may you be blessed.
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!